Posted 7:19:00 PM by Message
"Scarface.....HELL YEAH"

Message Master X rates this a 1/10

I have a scar on my face and I find your away message offensive.

Posted 1:41:00 PM by Message
"Have my first advertising client meeting with Coldwell Banker today....and yes, I'm nervous. Hope you are all having a good day"

Message Master X rates this a 3/10

You should be nervous. When the client opens the door, realizes that you might devour him, and yells, "HOLY FAT F*CK!" you'll feel pretty bad.

And I gave you points for the audience interactive, "Hope you are all having a good day," but I'm having a shit day, so I took points off.

Posted 7:38:00 PM by Message
"GO PACK GO"

Message Master X rate this 0/10

GO FAT GO!

Posted 3:52:00 PM by Message
"Back at it"

Message Master X rates this 3/10

You never stopped being a douche so how can you start it up again?

Posted 8:05:00 AM by Message
"Back at it"

Message Ninja X rates this message a 5/10

This message has a pleasant return to normalcy, yet it still maintains the vagueness and punctuational errors we have come to expect from our chunky messenger.

Posted 5:21:00 PM by Message
"Not sure what the evening holds...but you can be sure it doesn't involve me being here. Leave some love"

Message Master X rates this a 3/10

BOOM! I didn't see the twist of "you can be sure it doesn't involve me being here." What a clever fat fuck. It probably involves you eating and being stupid, just like every other night.

You ape shit.

Posted 11:01:00 AM by Message
"A long week is about to come to an end.....working"

Message Master X rates this message a 3/10

It shows our ape test subject is aware that there are days in a week. We are also notified that he is "working." However, he still majored in "leisure studies," and is still a douche bag.

Posted 7:34:00 PM by Message
"Don't fret, precious, I'm here. Step away from the window and go back to sleep. Stay with me."

Message Master X rates this message a 1/10

Holy CRAP this sucks! What are you talking about you bloated pile? If you have anything "precious" and it's near a window, it's because it's trying to escape before you eat it.

Posted 4:02:00 PM by Message
"Painting at work"

Message Ninja X rates this message a 2/10

This ranking includes one bonus point for initially reading the message as "panting" because I imagined him working up a sweat and losing his breath to dialing the first 4-5 digits of a phone number.

Posted 3:48:00 PM by Message
"Painting at work."

Message Master X rates this a 1/10

You're a fat sac. The only thing being painted at work is your arteries with more fat.